Respite care provides foster parents with the opportunity to take a short break from their position for travel or other personal reasons. While most children placed in respite care are there for just a few days, some may stay for up to a week. More often than not, you won’t receive much information from the foster care agency about the child that’s coming to stay with you. Still, there are plenty of things you can still do to prepare your home for their respite foster placement, especially if you know you’re receiving a teenager. Following are some things you can do to support a teen.
Make Sure You Prepare as Much as Possible
There are several items you want to have on hand for your teenager before they arrive. While some may come with a few days’ worth of personal belongings, others may not. Focus onproviding comfort items, such as a new water bottle, blank journal, lotion, hygiene items, books, and activities for them to do while in your care. Another great idea is to create a snack box they can keep in their room. Many children do not feel comfortable asking for a snack, especially from someone they don’t know. Keeping a snack box in the room they’re staying in will help them become more comfortable while in placement.
Create a Space of Their Own
If possible, give them the privacy of their own room during their stay. Empty the drawers in a dresser and put a fresh set of gender-neutral linens on the bed. Remember, no matter how well-intentioned you are, you are still a stranger to this teenager placed in your care. Initially, it may be awkward, and they may not want to engage very much with you on the first day. They may not ever become comfortable with you either, so you should prepare for that possibility too. Give them the space and time they need to settle in.
Assess Their Needs and Take a Trip to the Store
Teenage years are challenging enough. A teenager placed in foster care will likely have their own fair share of struggles with self-esteem and feelings of not belonging. Although you have already prepared for their arrival, they may still need some items you don’t have on hand. By taking them to the store and letting them pick a few things like snacks, toiletries, and other essentials, you are showing them that they matter and are worth the effort. Not only does this impact their value and boost their self-esteem, but it may also help them feel more comfortable while placed in your care.
Empathize With How They May Be Feeling
Many teenagers placed in respite care arrive frustrated with their situation. Some may blame themselves for siblings separated across several different homes or the fact that they are even in respite foster care to begin with. Don’t take it personally if they are very upset or emotional. Many teenagers placed in the foster care system have experienced abuse at the hands of their parents or other caregivers. Help support them during their stay with emotional “mirroring.” “Mirroring” is the act of encouraging someone to identify and share their feelings while remaining empathetic and engaged. Acknowledge their feelings without judgment and let them know that you are there to offer support and keep them safe.
Get to Know Their Interests and Hobbies
While they may only be in your care for a few days, you should try to get to know them and what they like to do. Show genuine interest in who they are as a person. Getting to know them will also give you a few ideas for activities to do while they are in your care. For example, if they like to cook, you may have them help you prepare the family meal if they are comfortable in the kitchen. If they enjoy the outdoors, you can give them a soccer ball or a hacky sack to kick around in the backyard. By putting forth the effort to get to know your teenager, you’ll provide them with the positive support they need during this challenging time in their life.
Allow Them to Share What They Want to Share
There is a thin line between being intrusive and getting to know the teenager placed in your care. They may not want to open up much at all, and that is okay. Allow them to share what they want to share without making them feel as though they’re obligated to answer all your questions. Remember, they do not know you. They will naturally be on guard, especially if they frequently transition between placements. It’s also important not to pressure them to interact with your family or participate in your family’s activities if they don’t want to. All teenagers are different, sowhile some are eager to get to know you, others want to spend their time alone until they are scheduled to leave. Respect their wishes and allow them to have a choice.
Help Them Learn How to Regulate Their Emotions
Self-regulation is a powerful skill you can teach your foster child to help them learn how to manage their emotions. Be on the lookout for any signs of distress so you can take action early while the situation is still manageable and they have the ability to calm themselves down. Encourage them by modeling some deep breathing techniques or suggest they take a short break in their room to relax.
Research has shown that self-regulation is especially challenging for teenagers who have suffered trauma. Try to stay patient and remain cool, calm, and collected if your foster child has a hard time adjusting.
Remember, your goal as foster parents is to provide a safe environment, supportive care, and compassion to a child who is going through a challenging time in their life. Creating a sense of normalcy and preparing as much as possible beforehand are the best things you can do to help them adjust to placement in respite care.