Fostering a child is an enriching experience. However, it can also be quite challenging, especially in the beginning. Establishing trust is key to providing your child with a positive experience while in your care.
For both foster parents and foster kids, trust is an essential foundation. When foster kids and teens trust their foster parents, it helps them feel safe and secure. For foster parents and caregivers, having trust means less conflict and a better relationship overall.
So, how do you promote trust? The important thing is to remain patient and work together. This is the first step when it comes to creating a trusting bond with your foster child. Here are some other tips.
1. Maintain Consistency
Many children in foster care have experiences with inconsistency before placement. Whether that experience comes from frequent relocations, a former caregiver, or other circumstances, consistency is key to establishing trust within your relationship. Make sure you develop routines and that they remain as consistent as possible throughout the week. When you create an after-school routine for your child, they can predict how the rest of their afternoon will unfold. It’s crucial to have consequences for their behaviors as well. For example, getting homework done right after school will earn them thirty minutes of video games, while failing to do their homework results in losing gaming privileges for the evening. Children thrive well on consistency, boundaries, and consequences, and all three will help your child gain trust in you over time.
2. Spend Quality Time Together
Ask open-ended questions to establish an open dialogue and build trust. Remember to refrain from judging your child’s worries or concerns. By spending quality time with them and engaging in conversation, your child will see that you’re genuinely interested in listening to what they have to say. Make eye contact with your child, as eye contact reinforces those connections. Share your own experiences as they relate to whatever topic you’re discussing. Even if they don’t seem to share much detail about their feelings, allowing them to come to you and communicate when they feel ready is essential for building trust.
3. Show Affection
It’s essential to show affection to your foster child and let them know how much you appreciate their presence in your life. Treat them like any other member of the family. Get to know your child’s likes and dislikes, such as their favorite meals and desserts, and make them on occasion. Place a note in their lunch box, so they know you’re thinking about them throughout their day. Little tokens of appreciation may not require much time or effort, but they make a big difference in your child’s life and strengthen your bond with them.
4. Boost Their Confidence
Many foster children may struggle with self-confidence. Giving affection and showing support are effective ways to boost their self-esteem. Fortunately, there are many ways to do that.
Show them that you value and accept them just the way that they are. Don’t put conditions on your praise. Instead, praise their good qualities and acknowledge their efforts with love and support. Help them work towards goals and reward their efforts. If they don’t know how to do something, instead of doing it for them, teach them how to do it. This will help build their confidence.
5. Admit When You Make a Mistake
In addition to showing your child that you’re trustworthy, it’s also important to own up to your mistakes. No person is infallible, including adults. Modeling healthy behaviors is one of the most impactful ways to positively influence the bond between you and your child. You should let your child know when you realize you have made a mistake or gone against your word. Share that you recognize there are consequences for such actions and apologize to your child if necessary.
For example, if you promised to take them out for lunch but forgot about an important meeting, you should apologize and reschedule your meal together as soon as possible. By recognizing and acknowledging their disappointment and your own mistakes, they will be more likely to trust you in other situations.
6. Allow Room for Growth and Independence
All parents worry about their children making the right decisions when they are not around to supervise them. However, a relationship built on trust and respect only works if you allow them room for personal growth. If you are parenting an older child, give them a chance to be independent so they can feel your trust in their ability to make good decisions. If there are specific situations that you are concerned about, such as online safety, relationships with peers, or drugs and alcohol, have those meaningful discussions with them. Talk through specific scenarios with them so they have a clear action plan if challenging circumstances arise.
7. Remain Supportive Through Challenging Circumstances
All families must navigate through complex issues from time to time. As a caregiver, you should let your child know you’re in their corner and always there to support them. By remaining supportive throughout good times and more challenging periods, your child will be more likely to act responsibly and make good decisions even when you aren’t by their side. In addition, establishing trust and support will make them more inclined to come to you if they make a mistake. However, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t any consequences for poor judgment and bad decisions. But, it does mean that your bond will remain intact if these situations occur.
Final Thoughts
Being a foster parent comes with unique challenges, but this doesn’t mean you should go about it on your own. If you have difficulty establishing a healthy relationship with your foster, or you’d like assistance navigating challenging situations, reach out to your foster care agency and social worker. They can pair you up with community resources and counselors, foster support groups, and additional information that can assist you and your family.